Jesus Quintana, John Turturro (The Big Lebowski)
Why He Deserve His Own Movie: When he wasn’t exposing himself to eight year olds, this pederast with a penchant for purple was knocking down bowling pins with enough Latin flava to make Chris Hansen stand up and cheer. Still, it was the Jesus’ threat to unload his pistol in nemesis Walter Sobchak’s (John Goodman) rotund backside that made us realize this complicated and conflicted man truly needed a film of his own.
Starring next in… Nobody F**ks with the Jesus: The Dude mighta escaped The Big Lebowski with his Johnson intact, but The Jesus still had a bowling final on the agenda, not to mention a bone to pick with Walter. In this somber follow up to the Coen Brother’s beloved cult classic, we’re given an intimate portrait of a wildly flamboyant and deeply misunderstood man who simply wants to soar like a champion.
Uncle Hank, Stanley Herman (Requiem for a Dream)
Why He Deserves His Own Movie: With Jennifer Connolly and her stripper cohort down to their skivvies in Requiem for a Dream, there was only one thing old Uncle Frank wanted to see: “Ass to ass!” And, hell, who doesn’t love a lecherous old man who gave voice to millions of pervy frat boys everywhere?
Starring next in…Uncle Frank, The Assassin!: Busting out of his Boca Raton retirement community, a positively jubilant Uncle Frank heads to the Tampa strip with lust in his eyes, a catheter at his hip and the creepiest catchphrase in movie history at the tip of his dog-wagging tongue.
Felix Leiter, Jeffrey Wright (Casino Royale, The Quantum Of Solace)
Why He Deserves His Own Movie: While there’s no denying Daniel Craig’s status as the most badass James Bond ever, Wright’s raspy-voiced Felix Leiter’s the type of sidekick that simply makes things happen. The minute he matched Martinis with 007 and fronted the cash for a high stakes poker game in Casino Royale, we knew Leiter was our kinda guy.
Starring next in… Bolivia or Bust: Somewhere between the end of Casino Royale and the beginning of Quantum of Solace, Leiter winds up in Bolivia, begrudgingly working for a corrupt CIA boss. In this spin-off/prequel, we follow Leiter as he’s hot on the trail of shady operatives, weeding out baddies who’ve infiltrated the agency and dropping bodies like one bad mutha.
Sea Bass, Cam Neely (Dumb and Dumber)
Why He Deserves His Own Movie: He might huck a luggie on your burger if you a toss a salt shaker in his direction, but behind the tough-guy façade, all Sea Bass wants is to be loved…preferably by another man, in a roadside bathroom stall. And, aw heck, we’re suckers for Rom-Coms!
Starring next in…Gone Fishing…For Dudes!: We join Sea Bass behind the wheel of his big rig, with only the lonely road, his Madonna The Immaculate Collection CD, and his miniature pinscher, Princess, for company. Will this luckless loverboy get his heart ripped out again and again, or does his one true love await at the end of the freeway?
Robbie Klaven, Andy Samberg (I Love You, Man)
Why He Deserves His Own Movie: Big-haired, SNL funny man Andy Samberg takes the cake for playing the most hetero homo (a bromo? a fromo?) to ever grace movie screens. This unabashed playa scored dudes at the gym, and everywhere else he went, while still remaining dad’s favorite, fist-bumping son.
Starring next in…Klaven the Man Maven: Just cause he doesn’t enjoy p**sy doesn’t mean he is one. In this genre-breaking film, we observe as Samberg hilariously balances being a badass dude and doing them.
The Wolf, Harvey Keitel (Pulp Fiction)
Why He Deserves His Own Movie: There’s two things we know about the Wolf: He attends formal cocktail parties at 8 o’clock in the morning and his name alone is enough to shut Sam Jackson up. Now who wouldn’t want to learn more about a smooth operator like that?
Starring next in… Bring Back The Wolf: The fact that the Wolf is the go-to guy to fix problems like having a dead guy’s head splattered all over the back of your car, means that he is constantly in demand. Simply put, it’ll be a pleasure watching him operate.
Mr. Henry, James Caan (Bottle Rocket)
Why He Deserves His Own Movie: One-minute, shady businessman Mr. Henry is your best friend, inviting your unemployed ass to fancy cocktail parties, karate chopping your jag-off big brother, and playing improvised ditties on your parents baby grand piano. The next, he’s robbing your house while you’re off on one of his make-believe missions; dastardly, indeed.
Starring next in…Regarding Mr. Henry: Along with lackeys Kumar and Applejack, Mr. Henry continues to pillage greater Houston’s upper middle class enclaves like some slippery suburban super-villain; until, that is, Dignan (Owen Wilson) is released from prison thanks to good behavior and reunited with fellow men-children Anthony Adams (Luke Wilson) and Bob Mapplethorpe. Will one-time mentor Mr. Henry remain the undisputed master of petty crime, or will his former apprentices claim his dubious title?
Boba Fett, Some Dude in a metal mask (Star Wars et al.)
Why He Deserves His Own Movie: Unless you go by the name of Dog, bounty hunters are always awesome, especially intergalactic ones that rock helmet-mask combos. Sure, the prequels eroded some of the Boba Fett mystique by revealing him to be a one-time whiney ass kid, but as soon as you learned his dad was used as the genetic prototype for the Clone Army, your faith was restored: Homeboy’s got pedigree.
Starring next in… Hey, Vader, Baby I’ve Got Your Money (Gotchyo Money!): An adult Fett only graced about five scenes in the original trilogy, which left everyone wanting more. In this follow up we not only see how the morally bereft dude dropped out of high school to get into the mercenary profession (much to papa’s chagrin), but we also see him tracking and capturing some of the most dangerous men roaming the galaxy, before ending each mission drunk, alien-babe-flanked, and belligerently burning through his hard earned space bucks in hedonistic dens of ill repute.
Kuzzik, Joe Lo Truglio (Role Models)
Why He Deserves His Own Movie: Augie Marks, aka medieval-loving McLovin, might use LARPing—that’s Live Action Roll Playing to you n00bs—as a means of escaping his nerdy teenage existence, but middle-aged Kuzzik lives it. From the moment he wakes up, dude is a chain mail-wearing, sword-wielding super freak and he always leaves his valiancy out on the field of the recreational suburban park where he wages epic, make-believe battle.
Starring next in…King Kuzzik: When his job as an office supplies manager forces him to relocate, mighty Kuzzik has to settle for life as just another corporate goon. That is, until he discovers a beer-LARPing league in his neighborhood that’s ruled by his intimidating new boss. Armed with nothing but his bravery, a foam-rubber sword and magical acorn “lightening bolts,” Kuzzik must learn the true meaning of bravery and standup to his corporate superior on the field of play!
Short Round, Jonathan Ke Quan (Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom)
Why He Deserves His Own Movie: Because we just made fun of him in our “ The Most Annoying Kids in Steven Spielberg Movies” feature and we’re feeling a bit guilty. We knew Short Round was a clever sidekick when he drove a getaway car around the streets of Shanghai with boxes tied to his feet. He became indispensable when he defended Willie with his clutch Kung Fu moves and even saved Indy from some voodoo witchcraftery. Along the way, this jokester and former pickpocket managed to beat Dr. Jones at poker and bust out of a child slave labor camp.
Starring next in…Short Round and the Hunt for Shangri La: At a young age, Short Round had all the makings of a swashbuckling archaeologist, plus an arsenal of quick-witted one-liners to boot. We’d pony up $10 to see a fully-grown Big Round search for the lost Himalayan city of Shangri-La, and of course do battle with Chinese Communists who believe discovery of the mythical city will lead to control of Tibet.
Source:XMB